1 year, 2 months, 2 weeks and a day since my world was turned upside down.
1 year, 2 months, 2 weeks and a day since he raped me.
In the recent months I have been absent from my blog. I have abandoned my laptop, stopped hiding behind my computer screen and gone out and started living life again. I have tried to leave my past behind me and move forward with my head held high. Life has been good to me, and if you had told me that 2017 would bring me a supportive boyfriend, a good job and an amazing bunch of friends I would have laughed; told you that you have got the wrong girl.
In recent months life has started to look up. I never believed I would be here. But unfortunately I still find myself walking in the shadow of my rapist.
A year on I am with a man I love more than he will ever know. I am with a man who loves and supports me and has fully accepted me. A man who has taken on a women beaten down and damaged by another man.
A year on I find myself in a relationship where this rape creates nothing but hurt. It doesn’t only hurt me but it now also hurts the man I love. It hurts him seeing me closed and breaking whilst he is unable to physically do anything to help.
A year on I am in a great job. A graduate job that promotes growth. A job that pushes and challenges me.
A year on I find myself having to fight on a daily basis against letting my mind wander. I have to fight against negative thoughts and remind myself that there is a job to be done.
A year on I am surrounded by an amazing group of friends; supportive, funny and amazing people. I have my social life back and I am back out in the world enjoying myself.
A year on none of these friends know. None of these friends know about the secret I am hiding. I have my social life back but with the addition of constant anxiety and fear.
I wish I could say that a year on everything is okay for me. I wish I could tell you that I have moved on and that my life is back on track. I can’t say that. But what I can say is that a year on I am happier than I ever thought I would be again. Life may not be perfect but in a year, I have come a very long way.