I can definitely say that the decision to write this blog post was not an easy one. I have found that I have been bombarded with waves of dread and fear that have resulted in many half finished blog posts being abandoned in the trash. But finally, after many hours of self doubt and procrastination, I have plucked up the courage to share my story.
Whether you have heard 1 or 100 rape stories you never believe that you are going to become part of the statics; you don’t ever believe that you will become a character in one of the horror stories (well, I know that I never did). But unfortunately for me, three months ago, I became part of the statistics, I became a character in one of the horror stories.
My personal horror story began on a night out when I bumped into an old friend from years ago (I use the word friend very lightly due to the lack of a better word). During the course of the evening this ‘friend’ was very pleasant, we laughed, we danced, and he confided in me about his sexuality and he eventually introduced me to his ‘boyfriend’. The end of the night seemed to come from no where and if the music had kept on going I could have happily carried on dancing (or trying to dance) for hours on end.
The music stopped, the lights came on and everyone headed for the exit. Just as I began my walk home my ‘friend’ caught up with me and offered to walk me home. We made a small detour on the way home to his flat where he wanted to pick up some cigarettes and I fell asleep on his sofa (I blame my impressive dance moves and the alcohol). Little did I know the moment I would wake up would be the moment that everything would change for me.
I woke up and he was on me. And the thing that shocked me the most, I froze. I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t fight back, I just froze. I just lay there. The rest is just a blur. A big mess of tears, interviews and medical exams.
Not only did this man lie to me but he took away the rights to my own body. I have learnt that my personal horror story is going to take time to overcome and that there is no quick fix. But I also believe that things do get easier. Things will get easier.